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Veterans Day for Foodies
Las Vegas. and elsewhere..
Applebee’s- FREE meal for veterans on Veterans Day, Wednesday, November 11th. Arizona Charlie’s Boulder: Free buffet for all active-duty military and veterans on Nov. 12. Bandana's Bar-B-Q free meal. BJ’s Restaurant & Brewhouse – On Wednesday, November 11, all military members who dine-in restaurant receive a complimentary entree up to $14.95 plus a free Dr Pepper beverage. Buffalo Wild Wings is offering a free order of 10 boneless wings and fries for all veterans or active-duty service members on Veterans Day. California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) is offering veterans and active military a complimentary meal from a select menu. Cattlemens Steakhouse Cattlemens Steakhouse offers current and former military members a complimentary 8 oz. Sirloin Steak dinner on Veterans Day. Chili’s is offering free meal for veterans and active military members. Cicis Pizza offers a free adult buffet to active and retired military with ID. City Barbeque on Wednesday, November 11, for Veterans Day to get a free sandwich platter. Defense CASINO Veterans Day Buffet: All veterans eat free on Nov. 11. Denny’s: A FREE Build Your Own Grand Slam breakfast from Denny’s is available for all veterans, active, non-active or retired military personnel from 5 a.m. to noon on Monday, November 11. Dunkin will be saluting vets with a free donut on Veterans Day. Einstein Bros. Bagels is giving away a free hot or iced medium coffee to any active or retired veteran. Evel Pie, 508 Fremont St.: Free slice of cheese pizza for all active and inactive military, starting at 11 a.m. Nov. 12. Freddy’s Frozen Custard & Steakburgers, multiple locations: Coupon for free combo meal, redeemable through Nov. 30. Golden Corral is offering a free meal and beverage card between Nov. 1 and 30, while supplies last. Military personnel can then redeem their card once for lunch or dinner Monday through Thursday from Nov. 1 to May 31. Huddle House honors active duty, retired, and veteran military members this year with a free MVP Platter on Veterans Day. Krispy Kreme is offering a free doughnut of choice and coffee to veterans. LaMar's Donuts and Coffee location to get a free donut and 12 oz. coffee. Little Caesar’s– Offering all United States Armed Forces veterans and active military a FREE $5 HOT-N-READY Lunch Combo November 11th from 11am-2pm. O’Charley’s Get a free meal from the Veterans Thank You Menu, or $10 off any meal on the regular menu, on Wednesday, November 11. Olive Garden is having a Veterans Day free meal for all active-duty military and military veterans on Wednesday, November 11. On the Border: Simply present proof of military ID or service on November 11th, and enjoy a FREE Combo Meal Pilot Flying J: Pilot Flying J is offering those who serve a FREE breakfast November 9th to 15th. RED ROBIN is offering all veterans and dynamic obligation military individuals a FREE Red’s Tavern Double burger with Bottomless Steak Fries on Veterans Day, Sunday, Nov. 11. Romano's Macaroni Grill is offering free Mom’s Ricotta Meatballs & Spaghetti meals. Shoney’s. Free All You Care To Eat, Breakfast Bar from 6 am - 11 am. Sizzler Free Lunch Sizzler is proud to honor and celebrate United States veterans and active-duty military personnel with a free lunch and beverage before 4 p.m. on Veterans Day. STATION CASINOS In recognition of Veterans Day, Station Casinos says thank you to the individuals who served in the United States Armed Forces. Station Casinos is offering a free smorgasbord dinner to all dynamic obligation military and veterans with a legitimate Station Casinos military Boarding Pass. Accessible on Nov. 12, simply swipe military Boarding Pass card at any stand to get a voucher for a free breakfast, lunch or supper buffet. THE SOURCE The Source cannabis dispensaries will respect the military with an expanded military markdown out of appreciation for Veterans Day from Nov. 10 to Nov. 11. Studio B Buffet, M Resort: Free brunch buffet for all past and active-duty service members, 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Nov. 12. Starbucks: On Veterans Day, November 11, Starbucks will offer a free tall (12-oz) hot brewed coffee. Tap House Grill free meal offer for dine-in only on November 11. Texas Roadhouse Texas Roadhouse will hand out dinner vouchers at store parking lots on Wednesday, November 11, from 11 am – 2 pm. Veterans and active military can redeem their dinner vouchers when they choose in-store until June of next year. TooJay's when they choose from a special Veterans Day menu on November 11. Grace For Vets provides a free car wash to all veterans. Fee Free Days– National Park Service offers Fee Free Days this Veterans Day Wednesday. Twin Peaks on Wednesday, November 11, for a complimentary Veterans Day meal. Village Inn Village Inn will offer a free Village Inn Breakfast (V.I.B.) on Veterans Day. Wendy’s is offering active military and veterans with military ID a free small breakfast combo. White Castle White Castle is giving out a free Combo Meal (#1-#6) or a free Breakfast Combo Meal to veterans or active duty military on Veterans Day. WIENERSCHNITZEL Wienerschnitzel is regarding all veterans and those in dynamic and hold military obligation with a free Chili Dog, little fries and 20 oz. drink on Nov. 11
Call it a story. Call it a creepypasta. The truth doesn’t need our validation. My siblings and I grew up in Maine. My maternal grandparents lived in Arizona, and so we would only see them a couple of times a year, usually once around the 4th of July, and once around Christmas. Even after Nana passed Pop would still make the cross-country trip. When Pop would stay with us, he would sleep in the downstairs bedroom, which was directly below mine. While one might expect an elderly grandparent to snore, the sounds Pop would make were entirely more unsettling. He would whimper. Pop was a WWII veteran, and he saw combat in Italy at Anzio and Monte Casino. I remember once, as a young child, I somehow produced the naive curiosity to ask him if it was hard for him, an Italian American, to fight against Italians. He responded with only “I’m not Italian. I’m American.” He said it with a grimness that taught me not to ask any more questions about the War. Mom used to say he left something of himself in Italy. Sometimes I think he might have brought something back. Pop loved seafood. Every time he came to Maine, my mother would prepare for him a feast worthy of King Poseidon himself. Every kind of clam and cockle, shrimp, or crab that a Mainer could procure from the state’s coast; it was on our dining table. I myself hate seafood. I often think it might be directly related to me being forced to sit beside Pop for his ocean buffet. The cracking, the stink, the drip of a ruddy bisque off my grandfather’s quivering lip. The way his bony knuckles cracked the lobsters in twain so loudly I often wondered if it was his finger, or the creature’s shell that had given way first. These are my memories of my grandfather, and yes, I still cherish them. The strangeness would begin after dinner. Pop would force my mother, under duress, to save every scrap and shell of seafood left in the sink or on his plate. He had some kind of secret-recipe family stew that he swore by, and the scraps provided the stock which made its base. The soup was a family affair; my brother and I were on onion duty. What seemed like a 50 pound bag of onions would be dragged home from the grocery store. Pop would splay it out across the garage floor, and make my brother and I promise to be extra careful with our chopping knives. It felt like hours. Our eyes would sting and water. We tried every home remedy, nothing worked. Pop always made a solo trip down to the fisherman’s pier for his “secret ingredient”. And yeah, we tried the “We ARE family, we should know the family recipe secret ingredient!” line. “In time…” is all he would say. He would get back from the pier around Sundown, holding only a damp brown paper bag which he never let us see the contents of. He kept the rest of the process to himself. The stew had to simmer overnight. Pop would let us watch him set the burner on the stove, just as low as it could go, and then tuck us in for the night. I still remember that, the smell of brine and onion permeating the house, being tucked into bed by Pop. “You’re safe now” he would whisper. I always thought it was odd, if not just old fashioned. On Pop’s ‘Stew Nights’ something would change. The whimpers I had come to expect, and to listen for, had faded. The thought of what remained still makes my jaw clench when I think about it. Laughter. Not light chuckling. Not benign guffaws. Deep, guttural laughter. I woke my older brother up to confirm my sanity, and he heard it too. We had no idea what to make of it. The first time we wrote it off as some dream. The second time, the following year, was also on “Grandpa Soup’s Eve”. This time, we concocted some convoluted theory about the scent of the stew triggering some jocular childhood family memory which he was reliving in a dream. The third year, having grown older and more confident, we had to see it for ourselves. Grandpa always slept with the window open. He liked to wake up with the sun, and would do his exercises as soon as he got up. We figured peeking in the door had a chance to wake him, so my brother and I figured we could peer through the window from outside and see exactly what was going on. We slipped quietly out the front door, and almost ruined the whole operation immediately. “Shit!” my brother whisper-yelled as he tripped himself onto the damp grass. I heard a spoon go loudly clinking across the front step. “What the hell?”. In what we at the time took as a clear sign of early onset dementia, a bowl of Pop’s Italian Stew had been portioned, and carefully placed upon the front step, spoon and all. We stopped and stared at the bowl, the bobbing chunks of onion and secret seafood. We grinned with confusion, and disbelief, and continued on with our mission. We could hear his laughter creep around the side of the house. We cautiously approached, our faces nosing up over the ledge of the first story window in unison. There was Pop, back arched, rigid, fingers curled in a twisted grip. His chest heaved with every laugh. His eyes were the worst; rolled back, with only the whites showing. Straight up horror movie shit. We watched, both of us still with fear. In reality we were probably only there for a moment, and then broke away, racing one another back to the front front door in terror. It got worse when we got there. The bowl was empty. Not empty because it had spilled, not empty because one of us dumped it out, it was empty; the spoon placed delicately back beside it on the front step. We looked around into the darkness, still shaking from seeing Pop like that, trying to see if some kind of possum or raccoon might have had their way with the stew. We didn’t see any animals. But we did see a strange shadow that neither of us recognized. The center of our Cul De Sac had a tall pine tree and a squarish, stubby statue of a revolutionary war cannon. Between the two was a third figure that didn’t belong. It was somewhere about our height at the time, maybe 5’7’’. It looked something like a person, but had some kind of hard, twisted shell about it’s upper half. The top half appeared to be patterned with horizontal stripes, the thin blacks legs desencing into shiny leather boots. It seemed to be always moving, weaving itself in and out of the shadows as if surrounded by long tendrils. My brother and I grabbed each other’s forearms. I wasn’t sure if his arm was shaking, or if it was the trembling of my own arm moving his. We stood frozen, it was dreamlike; we were petrified. That’s when we heard the call; like the yawp of a coyote, like the call of a merchant announcing their wares to the bazaar. “Scungilli! Scungilli!” It faded into the suburban blackness, and the call echoed more quietly. We left the bowl and went inside. Pop passed a few years back. Once a year, usually around the 4th of July when he would have visited, our family makes a trip to he and Nana’s gravestone. Him being a veteran, and it being so close to independence day, it’s not uncommon for us to find his gravestone adorned with various patriotic decorations; a flag, a wreath, we usually bring flowers. But there’s one thing there my family can never quite figure out. Almost every year, like clockwork, an empty paper bowl and a plastic spoon. My dad will usually curse out whatever mourner decided to visit on their lunch break and littered. My mom speculates that one of the Boy Scouts groups who laid the wreaths must have brought lunch along, and this one just blew away before they could put it in the trash. But my brother and I, we both know. It’s not the laziness of some graveyard litterbug, or some Scoutmaster with poor reaction time to blame. We both know. We know it’s the Scungilli Man. -W.Gianetta
NOTE: This is FAKE HOCKEY. To talk about actual hockey, go to the latest Daily Discussion thread Trade Deadline Tonight will continue TONIGHT! The /hockey Trade Deadline Game is back for day 2! Starting today at 8:00 AM MT trading is officially open again. Trading will run until Thursday, January 30th at 6:00 PM MT. You are not late! You can still sign up at http://www.tdgdb.com When you are traded, change your flair on hockey-related subreddits and spend the week from January 31st through February 7th cheering for your new team. Here are this year's reporters, the people who will make things up break news of trade negotiations:
Knock Knock Knock “Mrs. Jensen? Ma'am, there’s been a missing person’s report of your son Neil, and we’d like to ask you some questions.” The sirens woke me from my sleep, from a state on the edge of dreaming and various deep thoughts, though I hardly even slept the night before anyway, as I've been insomniac for the last few days. It’s not like the police coming surprised me or anything. Not even my younger brother Joshua, who was still in a deep slumber, would have been surprised to see them. We already knew Neil, our oldest brother, was missing. My mom was addicted to drugs. Not sure what kind of drugs, but the type of white powder that you snort through your nostrils that’s somehow supposed to feel good. Crack, I guess? She would go out everyday and would come back past 2 in the morning, drunken, carrying a trail of nauseating alcoholic odor behind her. She would gamble, like every crackhead did in Las Vegas. And she was bad at it. Every morning we would find another 80 bucks gone from the money jar. We knew where they went. I don’t really remember my dad. He went to the Navy, got killed in an “unfortunate accident involving a helicopter rotor”. We knew what happened. And there was Neil. Being 19, he was nice. Crew cut dark hair, always wearing that same old polyester hoodie with coffee stains we couldn’t afford to clean off. He worked at a small bar, near the border of Arizona. It was a 3 hour drive from home, the view was nice on the way there. The job’s shit, He always said. He’s the only one, the last one in our family to graduate high school but eventually ended up with a miserable job, like everyone would around this side of the city. He would always pay up for the missing money with his daily paycheck. He sustained our lives with hard work and dedication only for it to be wasted in the casino, everyday. Every night. He lost it, a couple days ago. He finally had enough of the incompetent alcoholic crackhead’s bullshit, raged. Yelling at the top of his tar covered lungs at mom demanding her to leave, and to never come back. He wouldn’t waste any more money he worked so hard to earn, on her. A lot of shouting that night, then bang. Then silence. We knew our brother was missing. We knew he was dead, Mom knew he was dead, and the rats. They knew it best. And the rats knew where his body was. They started appearing randomly around 5 PM, the day after the incident. One, then three, then seven, then dozens of them, starting a family business around the kitchen, near the basement, and mostly everywhere. Look anywhere in the house and you’d always catch at least one of them in your field of vision. We knew why the rats were here, but the police couldn’t find any evidence. Oh they wouldn’t, mom must have already bleached the floors and rinsed her clothes. We tried to inform the police officers, but couldn’t. How could we, when she has a revolver sticking out of her pocket. We knew she was insane, and that she wouldn’t hesitate. The police weren’t here for long, drove off. Another week had passed. Josh and I searched for Neil’s body all over the house, following the rats, and we searched for the revolver she had hidden somewhere. We couldn’t, but the rats did. Mom didn’t go out like she used to. Instead, she just sat perfectly still on the kitchen table, staring at something. Rats, I suppose. She never left, and she never went to sleep, as if she was guarding the front door. A couple days later, I noticed a significant lack of rats on the second floor. Curious, I headed down stairs. I turned right, to the kitchen, to see at least 30 rats sitting in a near perfect half circle gathered around the oven. They didn’t move. They were waiting. And I knew, what was in that oven. I sneaked to the living room headed for the money jar, in an attempt to escape with it. Then I heard the floorboard creak behind me. It was mom. “Where are you going? Dinner’s almost ready!” We never ate dinner. I almost ignored her, then noticed a silver object with a brown handle sticking out of her left pocket. Of course, the revolver. The clock pointed 15 past 6 in the evening. Joshua, Me, and Mom sitting around the dinner table, about to have our first dinner in over 4 years. She set the table, and pulled out a hot tray out of the oven, then proceeded to distribute whatever the hell was in that tray onto our plates. It looked like beef. It wasn’t beef. Right as Josh was about to stab his fork into a piece of it, I said “Stop.” They both looked at me. Joshua being confused, about to ask me what was going on, we heard it. Click That’s when we froze. Slide “I’m not feeling well...” Josh headed upstairs to take a shit. I took out my phone under the table. Click Slide I kept my face up, desperately trying to navigate my phone to text Josh without looking. Desperately trying to keep a still face. Desperately trying to ignore the sound of the revolver loading with ammunition. I looked at mom. She was smiling. Her lips connecting one cheek to another with a wide grin. Click Slide ‘shehasgun’ *send* I managed to send it, hoping he would call the police to arrive in time. ‘calpolice’ *send* Just to be sure. Click Slide Her grin grew wider with each bullet loaded into the wheel. The rats slowly gathered around the table, sensing an imminent buffet. Click Slide I knew, she knew, that after the next bullet, the last sound one will be hearing, will be a bang. Click Slide Her six shooter was full. Even if five misses, one hit to the chest would be enough to end me, enough to double the rat population. Then a minute of silence. Then minutes of dread filling the house. ‘run’ *send* She raised her gun. Bang. Josh rushed downstairs, to the front door. I stopped him, calmed him down. The sound of police sirens slowly increased in volume as they approached our house. I turned to face Mom. Her eyes were off focus, her gown was now red, and the back of her head was hollowed. The rats would be feasting tonight.
I just got back and a friend who is taking the exact same cruise and is also cost conscious asked me to give him all my lessons learned. I figured you all might benefit even if some of this information isn't strictly about cruising. I'm going to ask my travel companions to review it (first time in Hawaii and first time cruising) to see if they have anything to add.
Getting There And Getting Around
Air Fare With Southwest now offering tickets to Hawaii, I expect the competitive market to drop prices across the board but unless you are fortunate enough to live on the west coast in a city with flights that fly direct, air fare can be pricey. I had to get 4 people there round-trip (2 from rural Maine, 1 from Louisville Kentucky and 1 from the Baltimore/D.C. area). I ended up signing up for the Chase Sapphire credit card (annual fee waived for the first year) and the Alaska Airlines credit card that gave me a buy one/take one sign up offer. My total air fare cost was $2400. Besides the credit card, there was no secret other than monitoring the prices as far in advance as possible to see what typical prices are and then striking when there was a decent sale. I would also mention following Scott's Cheap Flights on the off chance a deal becomes available for when you were already planning on traveling. Ground Transportation We flew into Waikiki on Tuesday (cruise started on Saturday) so I got a rental car through Autoslash. The total cost for a mid-size for 4 days was $176 and ended up being from Alamo. While I feel this was a good deal as I had four people, if you're not 100% sure you will need it - you can probably get by with an Uber, taxi or even a hop on/off bus (see excursions later). Many excursions had an option for hotel pickup/drop-off. Probably the best deal I found was Star Taxi which only charged $25 for up to 4 people one-way to/from the cruise terminal and not much more for other locations. Call 1 hour before you need the service. Parking Parking is EXPENSIVE so be sure to do a lot of research if you plan on renting a vehicle.
Oahu
General In your mind, you have this idea of what Hawaii is going to be like. Oahu (specifically Honolulu/Waikiki) is not it. It is very over developed and crowded. Many places are run-down because investors have purchased the property but have chosen to wait until conditions are more favorable to develop. There is a very large homeless population in Hawaii overall but I was shocked by the number of shanty towns and abandoned vehicles doubling as homes I saw on Oahu. Excursions
Snorkel-Cruise-Swim-Dolphins-Turtles - highly recommended (hint: This excursion may be cheaper directly with the vendor Dolphins And You - if you buy the photos, you will have to go to their Waikiki office later to pick them up and they will offer you a 10% discount on merchandise at that time).
Shark Dive - Unfortunately, this tour got canceled due to weather so I can't comment on it. Since it is on the north shore, the plan was to do an early morning adventure (when the water is calmest) and then spend the rest of the time exploring the beaches and surfers. (hints: You may be able to get this cheaper directly with the vendor North Shore Shark Adventures and if you drive, take one way to get there and another way to get back so you can experience more of the island).
Sunset Cruise & Show - The people I was going with had never cruised before so this was to get their feet wet so to speak. It was nice but not spectacular. You may be able to get it cheaper directly through the vendor Star Of Honolulu. On Fridays, they offer an extra hour for a nominal fee upgrade which includes fireworks. I didn't see the fireworks myself but several people I talked to said they are put on by a hotel and aren't anything special. (hint: If you drive, they will validate your parking ticket and parking will only be $4 instead of $18).
Waikiki Trolley Hop-On Hop-Off You can trade time for money and if you have time, this would be a much more cost effective solution to getting around and is very configurable (how many days of use, how many different lines, etc.)
Polynesian Culture Center - I had the Ambassador Luau Package With Circle Island Tour of Oahu. Pickup was at 8:30 in the morning and drop off wasn't until after 10 PM so it is a long day. If you do this one I have several recommendations. First, take it early in the trip because it includes a multi-day pass so you can go back at no charge for 3 more days and the Circle Island tour allows you to see some areas you may want to explore on your own. Second, you don't get food until 6 PM so be sure to eat breakfast first and plan the rest of the time accordingly (bring snacks for instance). The only thing I was disappointed in was the Diamond Head didn't actually drive up to the crater. Update After the initial post, I was reminded by mashel2811 of a few things. The PCC is Mormon owned/operated which has pros/cons. On the downside, there is no alcohol on-site and things overall tend on the conservative side. Not that I have an issue with that but if you're looking for authenticity then this would represent Polynesia post Christian missionaries. On the upside, it is a huge facility that truly will allow you to experience many of the cultures besides just Hawaii. Also, regardless of how you feel about religion, the money taken in from PCC helps to sponsor many students education from all over Polynesia. I had nothing to compare the luau to but I have heard from several other people that there are much better options (the luau at PCC is optional). The Breath Of Life was awesome.
Pearl Harbor (see the end of the cruise excursions)
Recommendations/Notes
You probably want a beach other than Waikiki due to the number of people - Hanauma Bay looked awesome. If you do decide to stay in Waikiki, walking the coastline towards Diamond Head is a better choice for the beach instead of around all the hotels. This is because in Hawaii, beach access and water is considered a public service (free)
What is and isn't expensive didn't make any sense. Eggs imported from the mainland were cheaper than eggs from Hawaii despite chickens EVERYWHERE but I was able to get a large jar of peanut butter for $1.89. The best place I found for groceries was Don Quijote and it had a free parking garage.
Souvenirs were much cheaper on other islands
It rains - almost daily - but not for long - don't let it fool you - WEAR sunscreen of at least SP50
Hydrate more than usual - especially if you're drinking beer like me
Updates From original post below
You can get insanely discounted Pearl Harbor tickets from recreation.gov but they sell out in 5 minutes. Exactly 7am Hawaii time they sell tickets for the next day or for 2 months out. Nothing in between. I recommend having 2-3 people trying it simultaneous for different time slots. The early tickets sell faster. Then the bus ride anywhere is $2.50 each. When you board the bus ask for a transfer ticket. The transfer ticket is good for two more rides for the next 2.5 hours. If you get out of PH within the time slot you can ride back for free.
There's a stand near Breakout Waikiki that is a hard sell timeshare sales pitch (couples only). If you're willing to sit through it, they give you $150 towards an excursion or a free meal and a $120 Visa gift card (as of March 2019). If you want the exact location, message me.
You may think being a Costco member will help you out on expenses and you're probably right but know that the busiest Costco in the world is on Oahu and they claim 1 in 4 people have membership so plan accordingly (think shopping for the latest toy on Christmas Eve)
Pride Of America
I have to be honest, this was hands down the most expensive cruise I have taken and it was the worst cruise ship. I had a great time but there was a lot left to be desired.
Entertainment was very underwhelming - I believe unlike other mass-market cruise lines, NCL's entertainers are on multi-month contracts just like other staff. This tends to be bad for entertainers like comedians (how many different sets can they have prepared) but should be better for magicians (you shouldn't have to rely on the suitcase you get through security at the airport). I have seen a Vegas quality magic show on NCL before (Norwegian Spirit last November) but this act was honestly no better than a birthday party. I could go on but I will summarize it as this: On Carnival, I struggle deciding what I am going to do because of so many good things where as on this ship, I struggled to find anything I actually wanted to do.
Beer prices were outrageous and included a mandatory 20% gratuity and since you spend a LOT of time in port, taxes too. In each port, I found a better selection of beer right off the ship for at least 20 - 30% cheaper than on the ship. If you do drink on the ship however, I highly recommend the Gold Rush Saloon as it has a couple of beers on tap you can't get anywhere else. It has a self-serve popcorn machine and is adjacent to the buffet so you can get self-serve ice cream too.
The food was mediocre (main dining quality was about the same as the buffet which was good but not great). I didn't spend the money to try any of the specialty dining.
Update: One thing that really stood out as being a good thing is that the room had 3 US standard outlets!!! Why Does It Cost So Much
There is no casino to subsidize the fare cost
It is a US Flag cruise ship which means it has to abide by US labor laws (this is an indirect result of the Jones Act as it doesn't travel to any foreign ports)
Hawaii not only has a sales tax but a tourist imposed General Excise Tax which of course NCL passes on to you
Exclusivity - unless you want an extremely sea day intense cruise from California, around Hawaii, to Mexico and then back to California (or similar) cruise - they're the only show in town
Hint: You should get the NCL Mobile App. It includes dinner reservations, account charges, dinner reservations, deck plans, passenger to passenger chat for an additional fee ($10 vs Carnival's $5) and other nifty features. Observations I was astounded by the number of first time cruisers I saw (based on their ship card color). Because so many of the employees were American, I was also surprised by how many told me that they were on their first contract and wouldn't be back. The people (both employees and passengers) were incredibly friendly and most everyone seemed to be having a good time. I didn't see long lines at guest services. I mentioned earlier how this was the worst ship I had been on - and, while true, shouldn't give you the impression that I didn't have a great time. For my traveling companions, they had nothing to compare it to and other than the entertainment - they had no complaints at all and loved it.
Day 1 & 2 Maui (overnight)
If you have ever been on a Caribbean cruise and you didn't feel like paying for an expensive excursion you could always just walk off the ship and go to a beach or a shopping district or a friendly bar - something. This is not the case in Maui. Where the Pride Of America docks there is absolutely nothing (it took 10 minutes to walk out of the port with chained link fence on both sides only to end up about another 10 minutes away from a strip mall). I do want to point out that the strip mall did have a few artisans selling things out on the sidewalk but this was far from what you will be used to at other locations. So what to do instead?
Rent a car if you want to go on your own - day rentals are common and you will be in port overnight. You will have to do your own research as to what to do as I booked excursions for both days
Go up to Haleakala Crater for sunset or sunrise. I went for sunset as sunrise required leaving the ship at 3 AM. I can't stress how amazing this sunset was at nearly 2 miles above sea level. If you go, take plenty of warm (think Maine winter) cold. It was 44 degrees without the windchill when we arrived at around 5 PM (still sunny) and the temperature dropped significantly by the end of the sunset (around 6:40 for us but varies based on time of year).
Road To Hana - I didn't take this excursion but it is extremely popular. Most guests I spoke with said they absolutely loved it though a few called it the road to hell (it's an all day excursion)
Maui Northshore & Waterfall Walk - This is the one I took because it was rated as "easy" and one of my traveling companions has mobility issues. There is an alternative called Waterfall Hike that you may want to consider. This was a great excursion which took you into a historical town for lunch (delicious) and gave you some free time to explore the artisans (glass blowing, jewelry making, etc.) before taking you to the private access Wailele Farm. The waterfalls you can walk to (as opposed to hike to) were not breathtaking but overall the plants and flowers here were amazing. You will get an opportunity to eat many of the things you encounter so if you're feeling adventures, give it a try.
This is the first of two days on the island of Hawaii and it is on the eastern (very wet) side of the island. Normally doing two excursions in one day is a not recommended. I would make an exception here because the Botanical Gardens are not to be missed. It is a short excursion (2.5 hours), is relatively inexpensive (you can even do it on your own) and is offered at multiple times allowing you to get another excursion in. Recommendations
The Botanical Gardens - either through NCL or directly with Hawaii Tropical Botanical Garden - they have social media as well if you have questions. Tip: One of my traveling companions said walk through twice - once looking down and once looking up because there is just so much to see.
Go zip-lining. I happened to choose Zipline Through Paradise as it had a tandem/parallel course (you got to zip at the same time as someone else). You can even hold hands on one line for a very special photo. You may even want to book directly with Kapohokine
The other side of the island is a stark contrast to Hilo as it is dry/desert climate. It is the only tender port on the cruise. Unfortunately, we didn't fare very well here on excursions but shopping and beer was good. It has been on my bucket list to be in a real submarine and go over 100 feet to below the surface to the ocean floor. That's what 3 of us did here in Kona and while I am glad that I can now say I have done it (105'), the experience itself was underwhelming. To not interfere with the wildlife, the sub doesn't use any artificial lights nor does anything to attract the fish to your windows. This means almost everything is a monochrome blue (the color red doesn't exist at this depth for instance). It's also nearly impossible to get nice photos out the windows even though they are clear enough - just not the right conditions. Now, I met a guest back on the ship that said he had a phenomenal time on a sub that wasn't sponsored through NCL but I'm not sure what it was. The other guest in my party decided to go on the Gold Coast & Cloud Forest excursion and was also not impressed. The gold supposedly comes from the Hawaii state fish (yellow trigger fish also known as humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa) but apparently they haven't been plentiful enough to turn the coast gold for years. She also said if she was a coffee drinker, she probably would have enjoyed it more (they are famous for their coffee). Recommendations
If you would like to buy coffee at a discount, a tour guide let me in on a little secret. To be called Kona Coffee it has to indicate what percentage is from Kona (i.e. 100%). Well, geography being what it is, the line between Kona and the region to south is arbitrary (created by humans) so buying coffee labeled just across the boarder (I forget the name of the place - I don't drink coffee) is 25% cheaper
If you want to see the pretty coral and reefs, consider a glass bottom boat ride. The bartender I chatted with told me that she used to work on the sub and a much more beautiful experience was the glass bottom boats.
Normally, the closer to port you are the more expensive things are - like souvenirs. That may in fact be the case in Kona but I found the prices at Whalers General Store to be very competitively priced. Many of the same items I saw at stops before here were at least 20% cheaper.
Have a drink or 6 at Paradise Brewing Company. I was fed up with the prices on the ship so I checked this place out (there was another one further up the street with a fairly large beer menu as well but they weren't very friendly so I moved on. I sat in here for hours (was one of the last tender boats back to the ship). It was extremely friendly - the beer was good, the food was good - I would definitely recommend.
Remember how I said you have this ideal image in your head of what Hawaii is and Oahu doesn't meet it. Kauai exceeds it - I fell in love and if I ever go back, I will just fly directly here and stay on this island - it is that good. I am not going to suggest you do anything other than exactly what I did because I couldn't possibly imagine having a better time. Recommendations
Day 1 - Best Of Kauai. I have no idea if a similar excursion can be booked elsewhere because it included 5 stops (Waimea canyon, Spouting Horn Park, Keoki's Paradise for lunch, Opaekaa Falls and Wailua River Fern Grotto). If you want to "build your own", just go to Waimea canyon and dine at Keoki's Paradise as they were the highlights of the day. If you are into photography and have gotten tired of lugging all of your lenses around, today is the day to have it all at the ready.
Now, there's more to the story than just these two excursions. First, since you're overnight you can stay out as late as you want. I asked our tour guide where an affordable place to get good beer close to the ship was. She recommended The Nawiliwili Tavern (or just the Tavern). It happens to be a 2 minute walk from one of the free shuttle stops and they have great pizza, beer and pool. Secret I learned this is also where a lot of the crew from the ship hang out after they get off at 9PM so if you want to have a real conversation and ask real questions - this is the place to do it. Once the bartender realized I was into craft beer and trying all they had, she told me about a brew pub not too far up the road that I really wanted to try but ran out of time.
Napali Coast (still day 6)
The cruise ship leaves port early (circa 2PM) and instead of heading to Honolulu backtracks around Kauai. There is a portion of the island that's only reachable by air (helicopter) or by sea (cruise ship) and I was fortunate enough to do both. Actually, our pilot said that a few of the beaches can be reached by a hiking 11+ miles but it isn't an easy hike. In any event, this is where the opening scenes of Jurassic Park were filmed if I remember correctly - utterly gorgeous. My pilot also let me in on a little secret - that the captain times the cruise ship to sunset when the coast is all lit up in spectacular colors so be out on deck with camera ready.
Day 7 - Honolulu (Pearl Harbor & City Tour)
I made a big mistake here. I booked a late flight so I could go to Pearl Harbor and then get dropped off at the airport. We had already done the Circle Island Tour and none of the other offerings were of interest. This was a mistake for two reasons. Reason 1: Exhaustion After having spent 5ish days in Waikiki and then taking a 7 day cruise, we were wiped out and really didn't have the stamina to really take it all in. Recommendations
Eat a big breakfast as this tour didn't include food
Bring food for the tour and possibly the airport (see airport notes below)
The cheapest place to get hot dogs at the time was at the Missouri ($6 as of March 2019)
If you are using your phone as a camera, practice taking photos against the bus window as the city tour took you to some neat places but they didn't stop to let you off
The tour includes the Missouri and the Arizona - everything else is additional
At the time of this writing, the Arizona was still under repair so you only took a boat close. You will be watching a very emotionally moving video before the boat ride so sit as close to the exit doors (front left) as you can so that when it's over you can pick one of the corners of the boat to get unobstructed photos from - they don't allow you to stand up and they don't play. Oh, and if you are sensitive to loud noises - when the bomb actually drops on the Arizona it is about 10 times louder than the rest of the film so be prepared
Our guide got tickets for the Arizona at 2:15 PM, helped us navigate the shuttle over to the Missouri and told us he would see us at the bus 3:30 PM. If you're not comfortable navigating on your own then this is probably not the tour for you
It's only 5 minutes from the airport so if you want to stay longer because of a late flight it would be fast/cheap to go on your own - just ask to get your luggage off the bus
Reason 2: Airport If you have a late flight home, I'm sorry. All of your checked bags have to be screened by agriculture (certain plants are not allowed to leave the state) which is airline specific and unless that airline is running flights all day (looking at you Alaska), then you will have to wait for them to open before you can even check in. While you wait, there is essentially no place to eat (Starbucks and a bar that serves hot dogs for $12.50 - yes, $12.50). I recommend you keep some food with you for this reason. They do offer a baggage hold service but the prices were ridiculous (4 checked bags for 24 hours was $100). Sorry if it seems like I am whining - it was the end of a long trip and I was returning to reality.
Update: Viator
In this post, I have provided a number of links to NCL's excursions, directly to the vendor and also to Viator. Viator is part of Tripadvisor and generally speaking, you can trust the reviews. On most of the bookings, you can cancel for a full refund up to 24 hours in advance. They are competitively priced and you can usually get a discount. For instance, new customers will get offered a 10% discount off their first purchase. Companies like Ebates and TopCashBack will offer an additional 3 to 6% cash back as well. Use a credit card that gives back 2-4% on travel and it can really reduce the price. I haven't had too much trouble figuring out what vendor was being used through Viator so you could just book with them direct too and just use them as a way to find fun things to do and use the reviews to distinguish between what's good and what's not.
JoJo's OC Tournament #3 - Round 4 Match 2: Amaki Castillo Vs. Blake Falstaff and Mr. Moon
Already Round 1 is off to an intense start, and the stakes for our players are only going to remain this high all throughout the Round! That said, if you’re catching this the night it goes live, you also have a few hours left yet to influence the previous match, a frantic fan-favorite footrace through a Soul Train. Credit to u/YukkiRose for the match concept. Scenario: “Something’s… Bugging me, Moon.” Blake Falstaff admitted to her furry friend as she stepped off of a plane and began to step through the airport. “Yeah? And what’s that?” Mr. Moon trails around the detective’s feet, looking up at her curiously for a moment before back down at his paw. He’d been able to come along with her directly on the plane with a few phone calls and paperwork registering him as an emotional support animal, even though both he and his partner knew he’d never emotionally supported a thing in his life. “We’re walking into a trap, I’m sure of it.” Blake answers, plain and simple, going and grabbing one of her bags off a rack. “Oh, absolutely,” he responds, “but hey, we got outta the last obvious trap richer in information, yeah?” “Also, be on guard in general,” Blake says, “but don’t look it. Saw someone scoping us out on the plane when she thought I wasn’t looking.” Disembarking shortly after them, a Japanese tourist dressed unassumingly… So it seemed. Amaki Castillo lifted up the brim of her flat, floppy hat to squint and get a closer look at the disembarking woman, failing to notice the cat who had blended into the crowd. “Was that..? No, couldn’t be. What’d be the odds..?” Both young women, not long ago, had been sitting around their respective team-spaces alone, when a young man’s voice had begun to come crackling out of respective cell phones. They didn’t even need to answer it in order for him to start up. “Er… Hello? Yeah uh, listen… Oh, I’ve never done this on my own…” The voice was unfamiliar to both girls, a far cry from the soothing, confident, dulcet drawl that usually accompanied electronic devices suddenly speaking to them. “Anyway, uh… This is T. Uh, I’m, uh… Broadcasting from somewhere in Egypt. Some things have happened, and I’m not exactly on, uh, speaking terms with my co-host right now, but… I’m on your side, I swear. For real. Anyway, uh… Right, stuff. Some stuff happened, I had to go underground, spent some time doing shows at this… This club, place, in Egypt, the ‘House of the Rising Sun,’ but. Shit, someone’s coming! Listen, my ‘Circuit Wanderer’ can’t fight on its own, but I’ll absolutely make it worth your whiles if you can get me out! I wound up tricked by the owner, ‘Poker Face,’ into owing a lot of money here, trying to find out more things for you guys, and if someone doesn’t get me out soon I’ll-” The transmission cut off there. Naturally the kindhearted Amaki and extremely curious Blake were quick to heed the call. Blake Falstaff, by now, was savvy to the ways of the stand-using world, the rumor, the intrigue… She’d already heard of the House of the Rising Sun, and all it took was some homework and Mr. Moon following the right people around to get a location. Amaki, on the other hand, relied on a seedy stand-using underbelly she’d become all too acquainted to during her brief absence from her team’s base of operations. People she’d been owed favors by, people sworn to secrecy on her identity, hearsay… Really, though, not all that different a set of sources from Blake’s. Somewhere in Egypt, a stout man entered a lavish office space, where a man in a top hat and cane sat, stroking a tiger affectionately. “Uh, Mr. Face? There’s a, er, situation.” “Hmm? And what, if you would actually inform me, is urgent enough that it cannot wait until Bill Watterson here and I are done with our bonding?” The tiger, like a cat a quarter of its size, nuzzles the man’s hand. “Sir,” the man answers, looking around, “three of ‘those individuals’ have been asking around about this place, by name… our spies say they know you’ve ‘got T,’ as well…” “A crowd of self-professed heroes on a quest to rescue a young fool’s soul from his gambling debts, hmm?” Scritch, scritch. “Do not impede them. I could make something… truly, unquestionably memorable out of this predicament. We could host a whole gala ‘welcoming’ them, in fact! What know we about these investigators three~?” Poker Face’s features lit up with great interest as his subordinate spoke, showing him photos, transcripts, and extensive information on the three of them. Blake and Mr. Moon were the first to arrive to the ballroom. Immediately, they were taken aback by the room’s sheer size and garish decor. “Dear, god, it’s hideous… wait, is that a chocolate fountain?” A handful of people were waltzing on the dance floor, enjoying themselves and being oblivious to the kidnapping. Amaki entered through a separate entrance. “Well, this is...something” she said, disdainfully reminded of her fellow idols’ aesthetic sensibilities. At least the music isn’t as obnoxious. The three visitors remained on-guard, scoping out the area. They were on edge; even more so than a normal trip, the hasty and scared call reminded them of what could be at stake. They stalked through the crowd, looking for this owner, ‘Poker Face’... The music seemed to skip, crackle, and then eventually stop. Soon, like clockwork, a voice played over the scene. Not the original host of Stand Proud, not the boy who had called them to action here, but a old voice that was both cheery and threatening at the same time. “Ah… Hello there. Can you hear me? Hmm…. Here’s a test. Raise your right hand into the air if you can hear me. The cast, too.” Amaki and Blake looked around; no one else in the ballroom seemed to be hearing the voice that spoke to them. “... This is a trap.” Amaki thought to herself. “I raise my hand, and he sends some goons after me… And what was that about a cat…?” Blake and Mr. Moon had much the same thoughts in their head, and several seconds passed without any out-of-place movement. The voice spoke up again. “Hrmmm…. Perhaps you can’t hear me… Or maybe you aren’t quite sure of the situation, hmm? How about this… Raise your right hand, or the boy you’ve come here for gets shipped off, to pay off the debts he has collected. Oh, but that would take such a long time, wouldn’t it…? Maybe even his life…?” Blake bit her bottom lip. ‘Shipping off’ implied some kind of off-the-grid slave labor… Maybe she could track it down, but… Ultimately, she decided it was too much of a risk to play with a boys life like that. She glanced at Mr. Moon, raising her right hand slowly. Though the animal glowered, he too knew what could be at stake here, raising his own paw slowly off the ground. On the other side of the ballroom, Amaki did the same, her heart beating. She broke into a sweat, a life was at serious stake here… She tried her best to stop from hyperventilating. Blake and Amaki looked around the ballroom, and soon spotted each other. “There we go!” The voice said cheerily. “You are all fine people! Strong spirit! A sense of right and wrong! Good show, good show! Speaking of good shows… I have a number of every influential people sitting around me right now. Not like the peons on that floor, no, the real top dollar, and they’ve agreed to partake in a little gamble… Amaki Castillo, against Blake Falstaff and her intrepid companion… Or perhaps I’ve gotten that backwards? Ha ha ha ha!” As the man laughed, Amaki’s stomach dropped further, and Mr. Moon began to dully growl in anger. Blake’s mind was racing. “Now, the take I stand to gain from this little wager is astounding, enough to pay off your little friend’s debt a dozen fold. Fight to the last, and he will be freed! If you refuse… He will find his own way to pay off these debts!” Amaki gulped. ‘Find his own way to pay off the debts….’ The words conjured up horrifying visions in her mind…. Of work, of sickness, of death… This boy’s life was at risk, he had the sword above his head… But with a deep breath, Amaki found her resolve, a fire burning in her eyes. Fighting to save a life… She wouldn’t let this death come to pass. She let another life be extinguished. “Saving that kid could save a lot of other people too… I bet he has good intel. What do you say, Mr. Moon?” Blake glanced at the cat by her feet. “You in?” The cat made a yawning meow, but to Blake, the meaning was crystal clear. ”That kid’ll die without this. Of course I’m in.” The voice left with its parting words. “Are you all ready? Found your resolve? Make this a show for the ages! THREE! TWO! ONE! …” “OPEN THE GAME!” Location: A formal ballroom/banquet hall in the House of the Rising Sun, in Egypt, a story above the casino section seen in the location’s previous appearance. It’s a large room with a dance floor in the center, a fountain on the top, a bar on one end, a buffet on the other end, and a eight tables on either side of the dance floor. There’s a bunch of people on the floor and at the tables, as well as one at the bar. Food includes cheeses, fruits, crackers, and a chocolate fountain. The ceiling has a chandelier, large and ornate, in the center dangling down. It seems to be the only reflective surface not outright brought into the arena by the players, but it is also a lot of them to work with. There is a balcony up top. No one is there yet. Amaki starts by the bar. Blake and Moon start at the bottom of the buffet. Goal: RETIRE your opponent in the midst of this formal outing. A potential ally and good man’s life depends on it.
“Avdol, your fire may explode the fuel tanks. And Jotaro, I’m sure you don’t want to punch a hole in the plane. Now is the time to let my silent Stand, Hierophant Green, do its job.“ Just because you’ve found your resolve to save a man’s life doesn’t mean that you’re ready to burn everything to the ground. Protect the ballroom from as much harm as you can, and don’t harm it yourself!
“Are we doin’ it, Okuyasu?“ “Only if you ain’t chicken! LET’S WRECK IT!” The people around here are aiding and abetting debt imprisoning regardless if they know it or not… And it might be nice to let Mr. Moon let out some anger from being treated as second fiddle! Destroy and damage as much of the ballroom as you can! It’s not like they can’t afford the repairs!
Players, as usual, you have roughly 24 hours (until 8 PM CST on the 22nd, when they’re due to go up) to submit your strategies for voting.
If you would like first updates and news about the tournament, as well as the ability to interact with the members of the tournament community, then please feel free to PM a member of our Judge Staff and ask for a link to the Official Tournament Discord Server! Link to the Player Spreadsheet
A little background on us. I’m 35 my wife is 28. We aren’t major gamblers by any stretch, but we usually hit up a local casino maybe once a month, twice if we do good, and usually gambling about $100 a piece each time. We are both huge sports fans, especially college sports (Notre Dame). I’m a bit of a tightwad most of the time. The morning of April 2, 2016 I asked her if she wanted to marry me (both of us have been married once before), she said yes. I bought tickets that morning, didn’t tell anyone our plans and drove from South Bend Indiana area to Chicago O’Hare, and arrived in Vegas right around dark. The first couple of Hotels I tried for were booked, but we ended up finding a room at Planet Hollywood (which we spent all of about 4 hours in). We then flew out the next morning, spending a total of about 12 hours in Vegas. This time around, after finding out my kids would be with their mom over Spring Break, I decided to save up and actually plan a trip this time. We debated Florida, Canada, the Smokies, and ended up deciding on Vegas. Tuesday – March 27 We stayed the night at Blue Chip Casino (BOYD Gaming) in Michigan City Indiana (halfway to O’Hare). Both of us had comps for a free room and Buffet’s as well and about $75 worth of food credit that we had been saving for our Vegas trip. They also gave me a $25 gas card. We decided to gamble $100, and lost pretty quickly. After eating our “free buffets” we decided to go to bed, anticipating an early morning. Wednesday – March 28 Once we got to O’Hare, we went and checked our 1 bag in at the Spirit Airlines desk. Everything at Spirit is A la Carte, and I had paid for 1 checked bag, however the lady in front of me discovered that their checked bags cost even more if over 40lbs. I had gone with Spirit to save a buck, and overall the experience wasn’t terrible, but I’ve had much better experiences with other non-discount airlines. After arriving in Vegas, we rode the bus from the airport to the Rental Car facility, and in short time had our new car for the week. The nice lady at Payless tried selling me several extras, and I politely declined each of them. I’ve come to expect the sales pitch no matter what rental company I use, and overall my experience with these guys was very good. We ended up changing reservations last minute for our Hotel due to additional offers I received while at Blue Chip. After checking in at the Fremont (all 6 nights) we unpacked, stopped at IN & OUT Burger, and made a run to Wal-Mart for snacks and drinks. We then decided to go check out the Nuwu Dispensary, we were both very impressed with the selection, cleanliness, and friendliness of everyone we talked to there (we are novices at this lol). After making a “small” purchase, we decided to drive out to Mount Charleston for the evening and ended up catching the sunset before driving back into town. We spent the rest of the evening walking around Fremont Street mostly just people watching, before we grabbed a snack from the Café inside the Fremont and went back to our room for the night. The food was average at best, but the price was right, even if I hadn’t used my points. Thursday – March 29 We slept in until about 9:30, and slowly made our way over to the Hoover Dam. On our way to the Dam, we stopped at Sunset Station for their Brunch Buffet, and were really impressed, especially for the $7 price. After gambling a little and not winning we continued to the Dam. Waze had me going some crazy roads that I’d never taken before to get there, and took us about 3 times longer than I had ever remembered. After getting closer and seeing all of the traffic/road construction I now knew why. All of the lower parking lots were full, so we drove to the little gift shop on the Arizona side (I was surprised to see the road now ends here), got a couple of little souvenirs for our boys, and walked around a little bit before exploring Lake Meade a little and driving back to Fremont. After relaxing for a little bit we again decided to walk around Fremont Street and ended up getting Margaritas and Enchilada Nacho’s at Nachodaddy’s. I would highly recommend this place if you want a good drink and great nachos, we both loved it, and our bartenders were great. After walking back to the Fremont and going back and forth on winning/losing at the slot machines, my wife got a bonus feature on the machine she was playing, when I noticed a guy standing behind her watching. He looked really familiar, and after seeing “Deez Nuts” on the back of his jacket, I realized he was the youtube star from the Deez Nuts video. He posed for a picture with my wife and then went on his way. We gambled for a few hours and went to bed about even on the day. Friday – March 30 After grabbing coffee from Dunkin Donuts inside the Fremont, we decided to drive down to Primm, because my wife had never been to California. We stopped at the truck stop and decided against topping off on gas, due to the price being over $4/gallon. We walked around the shop, found some more souvenirs for the kids, and ate lunch at Qdoba. After driving around behind the outlet mall, I realized there wasn’t a sign saying welcome to California, so I hopped on I15 and continued South/West until she got to see her sign. We went a few exits and decided a trip all the way to Baker wasn’t worth the drive, so we turned around just past the giant solar farm on the right. In the stretch from about a mile outside of Primm to where we turned around, we passed probably a dozen of each Nevada State Police and California Highway Patrol, many of which were on motorcycles and all of which had at least 1 car pulled over. About the time we made it back into Vegas, my buddy’s flight from Washington DC had arrived (he’s getting ready to leave for Japan for the next 3 years) so we went and picked him up at his hotel (Hooters). My wife won some money on the “Vacation” machine in Hooters and we decided to go walk the strip, which wasn’t a bad walk at all. We ended up going through the MGM, across to the Aria/Monte Carlo area and decided all the bars were a bit too busy due to a Golden Knights game getting ready to start. We walked over to Excalibur and rode the monorail to Mandalay Bay. We spent the rest of the evening here, and I decided to bet on Notre Dame Women, which turned out to be a good bet. My buddy, being born in Connecticut bet on UConn and that pretty much set the tone for his luck the rest of his trip. My wife and I ended up getting a giant hot dog/pepsi combo for $3.99 at the Café inside the Fremont after returning, and it was a better bet than the Chinese food we had tried earlier in the week. Saturday – March 31 Another buddy of ours had moved to Vegas about 6 weeks ago, while his wife and kids are moving out there today. He called me late Saturday morning, and had us meet him out at the RV Dealership he works for. After getting a tour of their half million dollar Motorhomes (built here in Indiana), we hopped in his convertible and rode out to Red Rock Canyon. The line to get in was about 100 cars long, and it looked like they were only letting a few in every 15 minutes, so we drove out along that area and headed back a different way to the south side of town. The company he works for sponsors the Horse Arena at the South Point Casino, so we rode over, watched some of the show, and got the behind the scenes tour of the stalls, practice arena, and got to meet the horses/cowboys. We ended up spending most of the day at South Point, and we really enjoyed it, probably our favorite one on the “strip” so to speak. We ate dinner at Baja Miguel’s and all enjoyed our food. Later on Saturday night we rode back to downtown. My buddy that now lives in Vegas, took us to Container Park, which was really cool. After that we walked back down Fremont Street and I had bet earlier on Michigan beating Loyola in Men’s basketball. Another good choice, however I had to find a casino with a sports book that could cash me out. We ended up going to “The D” and really enjoyed the atmosphere/older machines. My wife ended up playing the old school Horse Racing Quarter Machine upstairs and stayed on it for quite a while. We ended up heading back to the Fremont, where we gambled the rest of our “$200 limit” for the day, and did pretty good. After several hours of gambling, we decided we were hungry, so we walked over to the Café at Binions, and were really impressed with what we had. Sunday – April 1 We ate the Breakfast Buffet at the Fremont (comped), took an Uber back to our rental car on the other side of town, picked our buddy up at Hooters and headed north to Zion National Park. A couple hours later we arrived and were somewhat surprised that it wasn’t completely packed. My buddy has a free pass (Military) so we saved $30 on the gate fee. We spent most of the day at Zion, climbing, hiking, and exploring, it was my 4th time there, but the first time for my wife and buddy, and while my wife isn’t a hiker like me, she really enjoyed it and mentioned that it was one of her top 3 things we did on our trip. On our way back to town we stopped at Casa Blanca in Mesquite for a few hours, we didn’t do any good, but enjoyed the change of pace from the Vegas casinos. Monday – April 2 We walked the strip again, and ate the brunch buffet at the Bellagio. It was really good, but if I hadn’t used the buy 1 get 1 free coupon I had, I wouldn’t have been quite as impressed. We walked around the strip some more, and ended up buying tickets to X-Country for my wife and I for the 10pm show at Harrah’s. The lady at the Box Office didn’t offer any discount, but when I asked about using my players card, she gave me a $10/ticket discount on the tickets. After that we drove across town to Sams Town (Boyd Gaming) and gambled for a few hours, I remembered a Steak House from several years back that I really enjoyed here, but we ended deciding against it for our anniversary meal. After going back to our hotel to change and shower, we ended up going to Viva Zapata’s (based on Reddit reviews). We weren’t disappointed! The food was amazing, the atmosphere even better, and the wait staff was the best! Our waiter asked what brought us out there, I told him it was our 2 year anniversary and we had flown in from Indiana to celebrate. We were enjoying the live Mariachi music, but started getting a little anxious as we were waiting on our bill (we wanted to get to Harrah’s by 9:30). A few minutes later here came the wait staff/musician to our table, put giant sombrero’s on us, gave us a couple of churros and each of us a shot of Tequila (no charge) while they sang us a song. I tipped them well and we were on our way to the show. My wife is a huge country music fan, and while I enjoy some of the older stuff, I’m more of a metalhead. I was pleasantly surprised at the price of our tickets, and for the money, the show wasn’t bad. 1 of the dancers really stood out from the rest though, but all in all it was a good experience. I wanted to go see Absinthe but found out they weren’t playing on Monday night. After our show we walked down to the Bellagio Fountains to see a show before heading back to the hotel. Tuesday – April 3 We spent most of the morning packing up from our 6 nights at the Fremont, I checked with the Casino host to see about possibly comping more than 2 of our nights, but she showed me where my score in their algorithm was only a 65, and needed to be 100 to qualify for more. I still only paid $165 for the 4 nights I had to pay for, which was more than fair in my opinion, considering how little time we actually spent in the room. We went to Hooters and gambled for about 20 minutes, winning a couple hundred dollars, then took my buddy to the airport. Our flight wasn’t until 6:30pm, so we drove back North and had to try another Reddit suggestion for our last meal in town. We ended up at Hamburger Hut as we love to eat wings, and although the location and building were a bit sketchy, we ordered hot wings, a hot dog, and chili fries, this was our favorite food of the trip. We also really enjoyed hanging with some of the locals while we ate lunch. After eating lunch we hit up Walmart by the airport to find some last minute souvenirs to take back home, and then returned our rental car and waited a few hours for our flight back home. What I would recommend Sight Seeing - Zion National Park, Red Rock Canyon, Lake Mead, Container Park (especially if you have kids) Food - Hamburger Hut, Viva Zapata’s, In & Out Burger, Nachodaddy, Hotdogs at South Point, Breakfast Buffet at Sunset Station, also saved a bunch of money by getting snacks and drinks for our room at the grocery store on day 1. Casinos – As a gambler, the ones off the Strip seemed to pay better, but the ones on the strip were much classier and had newer slots you can’t find elsewhere. My 3 favorite were the Fremont, The D, and South Point. My wife really enjoyed seeing the sights at the Bellagio, the Flamingo, and others on the Strip. No matter what, if you’re going to gamble, get a players card, it saved me a bunch of money. Transportation – If you like to do more than just stay in town and walk all week, I’d highly recommend getting a rental car like we did (about $200 for the week for a nice sized car), but if you don’t plan on going on long day trips like we did, UbeLyft would be great. Entertainment – XCountry at Harrahs wasn’t the top show I’ve ever seen, but 2 tickets for $80 something and a happy wife, I can’t complain at all. Watching all the entrepreneurs on Fremont Street as well as the stage shows for free was hard to beat, and any trip to Vegas should include the Bellagio Fountains, the Flamingo Habitat, and any other free entertainment you can find along the strip. What I wouldn’t recommend Airlines – don’t go with the budget airlines expecting to save a bunch of money if you plan on taking a bag with you, checked or carry on, prefer to pick your seats out in advance, or want to get a snack while flying. Food – While we didn’t really have any “bad” experiences, the café and Buffet at the Fremont were probably my least favorite, but I can’t complain because I didn’t have to pay for anything at either of them. Also I was looking forward to checking out Heart Attack Grill (based on Ducktales review), but they were packed and took Cash Only fyi. Sight Seeing – Fremont Street after dark really isn’t the place to take your small kids but be sure to take them to Container Park during the day, Hoover Dam (unless you go early), Red Rock Canyon scenic trail on a holiday weekend. Pawn Stars was packed and if you’ve seen it once, the excitement kind of wore off, and they apparently charge for parking now. I parked up the street for free and only had a short walk, but the people trying to push you to buy extras outside of the store really kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
When your man doesn't ride (first 2,200 mile solo trip)
Hey moto fam! Big thanks to everyone who commented and recommended routes and stops through the Southwest. Planned this trip over 1 month, and definitely used your advice out there. So, thank you. Especially IllIII!! Right off the bat, I’d like to provide you with a quick TL;DR link to some trip flicks. I covered 2,200 miles over 7 days of riding around Arizona, California, and Nevada. It was a great way to start the new year. This map is neither complete nor 100% correct, but it's the best Google would let me produce. Gives an idea of the ground covered. Odometer view by the end of it all. And yes, the title is a little misleading as most of my girls ride, but I really wanted this to be a solo adventure without a dude on the back of my bike. Day 1: 200+ miles. Phoenix (Tempe to Glendale) to Tucson (Mt. Lemmon). Rented a Dyna via EagleRider and set out to ride around Phoenix before heading to Tucson on the 10. Loved the bike from the get go, as it was absurdly comfortable on the highway. Got to Tucson and headed up Mt. Lemmon (so cold by the top!) before sunset. Felt like every minute further was a degree colder. Checked into a B&B I’ll recommend to you all: Jeremiah Inn. Don’t worry, I switch to Motel 6 & 8 by Day 3, guys. Day 2: 150+ miles. Tucson (Mini Time Machine, San Xavier Mission, Saguaro NP) to Globe. Set out to the museum (I’m @dailymini, so it was fitting) then right to San Xavier for a walkthrough inside (avoided the tour) and right on up to Saguaro NP (Kinney and Bopp so I could send some love to combichristo’s fam). Beautiful park, not a lot of cars on the road. Headed up 77 North to 60 and settled in Globe for the night. Highly recommend this B&B converted from a schoolhouse. My room was massive. Headed out for dinner and when I tried to navigate back to my hotel, kept finding myself on top of hills and on dead ends. Recent construction made the routing hard, and had one close call on the edge of a little cliff and on to a 5MPH rock (huge rocks) road into someone’s backyard junkyard. Sorry about my 5 minute U turn on your property, sir. Day 3: 300+ miles. Globe to Payson to Sedona to Jerome to Prescott to Wickenburg. Woke up to a delicious breakfast and took 60 to 188 N passed Tonto NP and Roosevelt Lake. Pretty sure a Mexican Wolf ran in front of my bike, but maybe it was an enormous coyote… Continued from 188 to 87 to 260. The ride through 3 NPs (Tonto, Coconino, Prescott) was breathtaking. And cold. So many different landscapes, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Cacti to snow-laden forests, to rich green forests, to red rocks. It was absolutely unreal. 10/10 would ride again. Headed to 89A and arrived in Sedona. Super touristy, tons of traffic with all the roundabouts, so cruised down the bike (bicycle) lane and hopped no hippie cop would pull me over. Success. As soon as I saw signs for 89A, I was so excited to take it down. Absolutely phenomenal route. Can’t wait to do it on a sportier bike I can throw around a bit more. Jerome was also quite touristy, and super hilly. Be aware if you’re afraid of heights! Continued down 89A from Jerome to Prescott and saw one of the most amazing sites on a moto ride, the split mountain roads in Yarnell. Couldn’t fathom what I was seeing, and riding through! Can anyone share a photo so I can put it up at my desk to day dream?? 10/10 would ride again. Made it to Wickenburg for the night, cute town. Day 4: 400+ miles. Wickenburg to Vegas (Lake Mead, Hoover Dam) to Death Valley. Woke up and thought, I have 2 options today, cruise around Arizona or just go full force into this trip and attempt Death Valley before the end of the day. So glad I chose the latter. Left Wickenburg to take 93 north up to Nevada (did I miss a sign for Nothing, AZ? Didn’t see any markers). Passed through Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, on to Vegas and continued on 160 to Pahrump. Filled up my tank (wishing I had a spare can with me) and went on Bell Vista Rd into Death Valley at around 2 PM. Little concerned about losing the sun and running out of gas, but I went in as far as mileage would allow and took a ride up to Dante’s View. My phone either froze or just had an iOs fail, because it wouldn’t turn on when I got there. In need of a selfie and furious at the timing, charged it up on the bike and had some fellow tourists snap a pic of me. Got back to a casino hotel for a smoker’s buffet (gross) and sent out some “Happy New Years!” to east coast buds before passing out before midnight. Day 5: 350+ miles. Pahrump to Oatman to Lake Havasu City to Quartzsite.Headed to Oatman to see some donkeys and check out Route 66. Nice ride. Continued on 95S down to LHC and the ever-so-lovely Havasu Springs near the Colorado River. Knew I wanted to shop the gem show in Quartzsite for souvenirs (let me live), so I wound up there for the night. Day 6: 400+ miles. Quartzsite to Joshua Tree to Carefree (Horseshoe Dam). Woke up and felt the weight of my trip coming to an end, so pushed for a long day. Mostly highway, took the 10 to JT NP for a quick loop. Roadrunner ran across my path, so awkward. Highways some more, took the 10 to 60 to 74 so I could check out Carefree and Cave Creek. Per recommendations, took it down to where pavement meets dirt, and wrapped up the night in Phoenix. Day 7: 300+ miles. Phoenix (Usery Mountain Regional Park, Tortilla Flats) to Gila Bend to Phoenix. The trip coming to an end, headed to Usery Pass/N Bush/Ellsworth to see if I could find any of the Salt River wild horses. Coyote or fox ran across my path, just a little guy. Then, it was time for Tortilla Flats. So beautiful. So glad I did this ride. Yes, the road was shitty and it felt like a broken carnival ride, but so worth the pay out at the end (THAT VIEW!!!) The ride back was a little quicker, knowing what the lil twisties were all about. Stopped at a swap meet to see some friends and then it was on to Gila Bend for the last of it. Rode 10 down to 85 for a scoot through farmland with enough straightaways to take my first few moto selfies. Bird flew into my helmet, not sure if he made it. Looped back the same way and ended up in Glendale for the night. Day 8: 50+ miles. Phoenix. Saddest day ever. Looked for some miniatures and took her back to EagleRider. So much of the trip was themed “no one in front of me, no one behind me” because I really did have the roads and views to myself. Highly recommend Arizona as a moto getaway and looking forward to coming back soon. THAT'S A WRAP! Thanks again for making it here, and yes, the same TL;DR for you fine wheeled fam.
2015 Offseason Review Series: Day 2 (Cleveland Browns)
Cleveland Browns
Division: AFC North
Intro
I don't think I need to pontificate too long one where the Cleveland Browns stand coming out of 2014. The Browns hit a promising 7-4 record after week 12, in spite of key injuries to Alex Mack and Jordan Cameron, with Josh Gordon suspended, and well-hyped rookie QB Johnny Manziel sitting on the bench. Most seasons, this would be considered a success of the new coaching staff and front office, and a sign that maybe the team was heading in the right direction for the first time in the Jimmy Haslam era, but things ended in a complete trainwreck by most accords: hometown hero QB Brian Hoyer wasn't playing up to snuff and would be benched for Manziel, who actually played worse. The lack of depth and internal drama within the coaching staff and front office became the headlines, and to make matters worse, Manziel would manage to find himself injured only 7 quarters into his football career during the Week 16 encounter against the Panthers. Cleveland slammed the brakes hard and ended with a 7-9 record, with more questions than answers about the state of the team and the front office than ever. Hell, for most of this offseason, people have genuinely been wondering if Cleveland wasn't going to go out of its way to draft a replacement QB for Johnny Manziel, who barely played 2 games. If that doesn't tell you all you need to know how rough this season ended… Having lived through awful regime after awful regime in the ownership (Randy "Aston Villa Enthusiast" Lerner), front office (Phil "How Much Can We Trade To Dallas" Savage, Carmen "Can't Wait to Go Back to Cali" Policy, and Mike "Worst Draft Gambler Of All Time" Holmgren), and the coaching staff (Butch "Arrogant Fuck" Davis, Romeo "Carl Winslow" Crennel, Eric "Mangina" Mangini, and Pat "Incompetent Shitbrick" Shurmur), all I'm hoping to get coming out of this offseason is a sign that things are on the right path for the first time in a while, and they may just be.
Coaching Changes
January 8, 2015: Offensive Coordinator Kyle Shanahan leaves the Cleveland Browns after disagreements with the front office.
January 9, 2015: QB’s coach Dowell Loggains is fired.
January 15, 2015: WR’s coach Mike McDaniel leaves the Browns in a mutual end.
January 21, 2015: The Browns hire John DeFilippo as the new Offensive Coordinator from Oakland.
January 28, 2015: The Browns hire Joker Phillips as the new WR coach, his first stint coaching in the NFL.
January 31, 2015: The Browns hire Kevin O’Connell as the new QB coach, his first stint coaching in the NFL
So the Browns had a busy January. >_> The issues with Kyle Shanahan and the Cleveland Browns became so prevalent near the end of his run that they nearly eclipsed the Manziel discussion (at least locally) during the 5-game losing streak to end the 2014 campaign. He clearly didn’t see what the front office saw in Johnny Manziel and there was a lack in synergy between him, Mike Pettine, and the decision makers. It was also clear that Dowell Loggains might have been a contributor to the problems, stemming all the way back to draft night rumors that he’d been texting Johnny Manziel about “wrecking this league”. The move was inevitable, but all things considered, the Browns went from young offensive minds to more young offensive minds in their replacements. While losing Shanahan’s “prodigal” offensive coaching ability hurt, gaining John DeFilippo, who had been instrumental in working with a young Mark Sanchez in his best season and seemed to have a positive early influence on Derek Carr, certainly softened the blow. DeFilippo fits with what Pettine wants in hard-nosed guys, and hopefully will be a catalyst towards some change on and off the field with this group. Adding Joker Phillips, who is seemingly eternally better suited as a coordinator, and Kevin O’Connell, who seems to be exclusively working to find young talent a QB, might have a set-up in Cleveland made for beyond 2016. It's not a sexy group of coaches, but they will be capable; inexperienced nevertheless, but still capable.
Free Agency
Coming off a mass coaching exodus on the offensive side of the ball, it's no surprise a lot of change in on-field personnel was coming this offseason as well:
Players Lost
Player
Position
New team
Brian Hoyer
QB
Texans
Jim Leonard
SS
Retired
Miles Austin
WR
Eagles
Jordan Cameron
TE
Dolphins
Ahtyba Rubin
DL
Seahawks
Jabaal Sheard
OLB
Patriots
Buster Skrine
CB
Jets
Paul McQuistan
OL
Released
Spencer Lanning
P
Buccaneers
Nick McDonald
OL
Released
Christian Yount
LS
Released
Major Losses: Brian Hoyer, Jordan Cameron, Ahtyba Rubin, Jabaal Sheard, Buster Skrine When you’re losing 5 freaking starters from 2014, it’s never a good thing. Brian Hoyer may have completely fallen apart in the second half of last season, but it’s become more and more difficult to determine where it was lost; was it coaching? Did Hoyer just go cold or was he never that good to begin with? Were we in love with the idea of him more than what he really was; a hometown boy who was peaking too quickly? Any way you dice it, after a dismal finish, Hoyer left, hopeful for greener pastures in Houston. When Hoyer had a healthy offensive line and was on point, he wasn't setting the world on fire, but looked capable enough to work as a system QB. Maybe he'll never go on to be more than a backup in the longer term, but with what limited time he had, Brian Hoyer, in spite of a 19-19 TD/INT line, was 10-6 as a starter, which by most counts is a playoff team. I don't think anyone wishes him ill, we just wish he'd been more 2013 Brian Hoyer. He would be followed out after a, frankly, confusing free agency mess over Pro Bowl TE Jordan Cameron, which involved Charles Clay ending up in Buffalo and Cameron turning around after an offer from Cleveland and signing with Miami the same day. I heard this entirely play out on the radio as our hosts seemed to have less of a clue than I did as to what was going on. Any way you dice it, Cameron's venture out to free agency was not a graceful exit, but Cameron was an excellent athletic target when he was healthy. He removes a big piece from the passing game and if Miami can tap into him and keep him on the field, he can be a top-tier TE. On the other side of the ball, some would argue that Ahtyba Rubin became disposable after a somewhat pedestrian 2014, only logging 28 tackles on what was considered a significantly poor defensive line, but Rubin was a leader on defense since 2008. The same could be said about Jabaal Sheard, who slipped a bit in production last year but was locked into an odd spot between Krueger and Mingo in the pass rush, is only 26 years old, and still has potential for success in New England; and the fact that he was rather active with the Cleveland fan base only makes it a tougher. Buster Skrine at any given time was the most beloved and most reviled CB in Cleveland Browns history, but he earned his keep in 2014 with a strong campaign in spite of young challengers at CB behind him. Minor losses: Jim Leonard, Spencer Lanning More than anything, Jim Leonard was a good dude, who was an impactful player on special teams, with a wealth of knowledge for younger players. But retirement comes to all. There are still some great veterans on this squad, but at the end of the day, solid support from well vested veterans does matter. I'll miss you forever, Spencer Lanning.
Players Added
Player
Position
Old team
Josh McCown
QB
Buccaneers
Brian Hartline
WR
Dolphins
Dwayne Bowe
WR
Chiefs
Tramon Williams
CB
Packers
Randy Starks
DL
Dolphins
Rob Housler
TE
Cardinals
Thad Lewis
QB
Texans, Bills, Browns, fuck, maybe Argonauts?
Andy Lee
P
Niners (Trade)
Major Additons: Tramon Williams, Randy Starks, Brian Hartline, Dwayne Bowe The Browns were sitting on a ton of draft picks and still had a lot of talent (when that talent decided to play...looking at you Justin Gilbert) from last year's draft. They needed to get younger while providing leadership on defense, and that's what two of these signings did. The other two were simply pick-ups that were by utter necessity. But there was still cap space to be shed by the Browns, and although they approached FA lightly (so as to accumulate compensatory picks in 2016) Tramon Williams got himself $21 million because if you're a CB, Mike Pettine wants you on his team. I believe we currently have brought 94 CB's to camp this year. But beyond Pettine's depth-in-the-secondary fetish, Williams is a solid cover-man who can help alongside Joe Haden to add veteran leadership to the motley crue of CB's. Yes, he's 32, and he did get a bit big of a pay-day, but at this point, if you want Pierre Desir, Justin Gilbert, and Ka'Waun Williams to reach their potential (that's not even counting the other 2 freaking CB's we drafted), you need more than Haden to get them there with Skrine departing. In the same vein, Randy Starks. Starks isn't going to set the world on fire on that defensive line, but he will likely not be asked to be the anchor with some other additions this offseason in the draft, and can provide guidance to the young players on a defensive line that was frankly...well, shit, and has been shit for any number of reasons for several years. Be it the health of the team or the lack of talent, stopping the run was a key point from this offseason, and the Browns actually took action to fix it. Rounding out the big pieces on the FA class, your 2011 fantasy WRs! Neither Dwayne Bowe nor Brian Hartline has been anything more than above-average in their long-term careers, and there's any number of things you could blame that on; poor QB's, poor coaching staffs and offensive schemes, or their own limited ability as WR’s, but both bring one thing Cleveland lacks; veteran targets. With the departure of Miles Austin and...well, something else we'll get to shortly, the Browns have no weapons for whoever ends up throwing the damn ball aside from slot guys like Andrew Hawkins and Taylor Gabriel. Even if the Browns get very little in the long term from either guy, they are going to be the Browns' receiving corps in 2015; and both have plenty to prove. Minor Additions: Josh McCown, Rob Housler, Andy Lee Let's be clear: the signing of Josh "It's Josh Fucking McCown, Do We Even Need a Nickname?" McCown was not because the Browns thought he was some incredible QB who could be the answer. He's 34, he's coming off an awful season, and I think we all know the McCown "career backup" legacy he and his brother Luke have created. Honestly, McCown is here to be a quiet backup. Although he may be called on to start a bit this season, he's not here to be the long-term QB. The Browns fielded him a bit extra money because of the cap room, but he's here as a very, very short bridge to either seeing what we have in Johnny Manziel or "Cardared Hackookiel" next year. And that's fine. I'm not a huge fan of it on the whole, but in that sense, it at least is rooted in some reason. Another injury-bugged TE in Rob Housler, Housler at least offers some hope of finding a target at the position for a team that lacks it. And he's only 27; he's still got a little time to get it right. The trade to the 49ers was an odd one (mainly because if I wanted a special teams player from San Francisco, it would be PHIL WE MISS YOU) but Andy Lee is a damn good punter who will do one thing; facilitate the defense. If the offense is struggling as it seems they may, Lee should be able to pin the opposing team deep in their own territory to allow the defense to try and make them make mistakes.
Draft
...wait, there was supposed to be an angry rant here. Where'd I put that? ....no. No fucking way. The Browns didn't completely muck up this draft?
Player
Round, Pick
Analysis
Danny Shelton, DT, Washington
1.12
The main commitment from the Browns this year was to fix the run D, and Feast Mode is here to do just that. Shelton is a big, BIG boy at 339lbs, and although most expect him to be a 2-down player, he's an animated, deceptively quick anchor NT who happened to do his workouts for the draft in a fucking lava lava. He then won the hearts of America when he attempted to hit Goodell with the belly-to-belly suplex. We already love this dude, his story is incredible, and I hope he becomes a fixture on the defensive line for years, maybe even as a 3-down player if his weight keeps in check. It's high time we got the D-Line right in the long term.
Cameron Erving, OL, Florida State
1.19
In the bar I was sitting in watching on draft night, almost everyone walked out when the Browns passed on Breshad Perriman. Perriman may turn out to be a fantastic WR, but this pick was honestly way smarter than Farmer's gotten credit for: One, it provides a safety net for if Alex Mack opts to leave Cleveland after this offseason, as Erving was a more than capable C at FSU. Two, it pushes Mitchell Schwartz and John "Get Pushed Back Seven Yards Every Play" Greco into competition on the right side of the line. If you aren't elite, shoring up the lines is never a bad idea, and this was an investment with not just 2015 but 2016 and beyond in mind. That's something you don't see in Cleveland often.
Nate Orchard, OLB, Utah
2.19
A theme of this draft was "Let's pass on Jaelen Strong and make JohnnyFire angry", but we made up for that getting a guy who was just an awesome fit. Orchard may have been a bit of a "one-year sensation", but he also fits exactly the character and play style that Pettine is looking for in the pass rush and will quickly make up for the loss of Jabaal Sheard, as well as pushing Mingo and Kruger to keep up. This seemed so obvious even dumb me was able to predict it on the /Browns contest this year.
Duke Johnson, RB, Miami
3.13
At this point in the draft I'd accepted the Browns were just not going to take a WR, especially since now all of the ones with any hype (aside from Sammie Coates) were well off the board. That said, Duke Johnson possess speed that Terrance "Instagram Failure" West lacks and escapability that Isaiah "Lunchables Enthusiast" Crowell lacks, and he can catch passes. Yes, the Browns maybe didn't need Duke Johnson, but who cares; if there's a special player available as the BPA, you get him, and if Johnson lives up to his potential, he could be a huge get for the Browns.
Xavier Cooper, DL, Washington State
3.32
Much was made post-draft of how heavily the Browns scouted the Pac-12, and this is true when they garnered (to some) the best two D-Line prospects in the conference. Cooper actually fits a bit more of the mold of Randy Starks, and although he is a raw talent, he'll have a great mentor and get time to develop. To sneak up and grab a second highly-touted piece to stop the run and improve the Front 7 was incredibly solid of this FO.
Ibraheim Campbell, SS, Northwestern
4.16
Oh hey, the guy I always grabbed using the First-Pick simulator to bump up my final score in the 4th round! Truth is that Donte Whitner isn't going to be around forever, and Campbell was a strong S prospect (albeit in a weak class) that could learn well from the veteran, and will contribute heavily on special teams with the loss of Jim Leonard.
Vince Mayle, WR, Washington State
4.24
Okay, Farmer, let's talk a moment. I love what you did with this draft. I really do. But this is the first WR you opt to take? Yeah, Mayle has prototypical size, and yeah, he could certainly be molded into a solid weapon due to his raw athleticism. But in order to get to this point, you left on the board Devante Parker, Breshad Perriman, Phillip Dorsett, Devin Smith, Dorial Green Beckham, Devin Funchess, Tyler Lockett, Jaelen Strong, Chris Conley, Sammie Coates, Ty Montgomery, Jamison Crowder and Justin Hardy. Many of those guys I honestly didn't even want, but this pick sadly reeked of just being too-little-too-late. But I'm gonna root for Super Smash Bros. Mayle and hope he develops quickly.
Charles Gaines, CB, Louisville
6.13
Mike Pettine has a fetish for CB’s, we know this. Gaines lacks a lot in size, and that's the main thing that kept him from getting over the hump, but working in the slot and using his speed, he could be beyond just a depth or special teams guy when called upon. An okay depth move all things considered.
Malcolm Johnson, TE/HB, Mississippi State
6.19
With the Browns going run-first in 2015, you need to get someone who can work better as a FB than...god, I can't even make a joke here because I can't remember the name of a Browns FB to save my life. Johnson will probably end up being asked to be an H-Back TE who could slot in at FB and help open lanes, or push forward.
Randall Tefler, TE, USC
6.22
Another Pac-12 find. I wasn't a huge fan on many TE's in the draft class, although I would've liked to see the Browns make an effort to get someone more dynamic. That said, Tefler is a solid blocker who will likely be used to add depth/replace Gary Barnidge or Jim "Forgot About" Dray in the blocker TE role. If nothing else, a low-risk depth move.
Hayes Pullard, ILB, USC
7.2
A very patient player who seemed to lack the killer instinct that other ILB prospects showed on the field, Pullard this late was a decent pick-up. He'll have a good mentor in Dansby and he can function well as a role-player and special teams guy.
Ifo Ekpre-Olomu, CB, Oregon
7.24
I was actually watching the pre-Kentucky Derby at a casino in Cleveland when this pick was made, and there was an audible "HOLY CRAP!" from so many people around when the pick was finalized. There will be a lot asked for Captain IEO (He needs to moonwalk for his touchdown pick-6 return celebrations while "Another Part of Me" plays, real talk.) to get back to full strength in 2016, but if Ifo manages to get back to there and meets his expectations, this secondary could be fucking insane. Haden, Williams, a ton of young talent, and a guy who would've been a first round pick if he'd come out one year earlier. There was no risk in this; this late in the draft, see if you can't find your next Richard Sherman.
The main thing we didn't touch in this draft was WR, and yes, that list from earlier is true. I would've liked to see us add a pure WR1 here, but the commitment was clearly to round out this defense, which is exactly what the FO did. It was almost refreshing; a draft that wasn't going for splash players, but was made as honest-to-god building blocks for 4-5 years down the line. Using foresight in a Cleveland Browns draft, who'd have thought that was fucking possible? Note: I also did a defending the draft piece which sums up most of what I said. Check out the whole series over at /NFL_Draft.
Other Offseason News That Affected The Team
...okay, fuck.
Johnny Rehab: Johnny Manziel basically hit the wall, and hit it hard, starting with a party on the Friday night before the season ending game in Baltimore, which resulted in a ton of drama and punishments for multiple members of the team. After every hot take that could ever be made about Manziel's ability to succeed and his potential dependency on the party life, Manziel finally checked into rehab on February 4th. I'm not sure where Manziel goes from this, honestly. Since his check out from rehab, he did have what seemed like a majonon-incident at a golf course, but he also left his party-enabling lavish apartment at "The 9" downtown to move to the suburbs, dropped the "Johnny Football" moniker, and by most accounts seems to be working his ass off after a first season that went absolutely off the rails. The Browns have dug themselves into a Manziel shaped hole, and 2015 is going to either tell us if Manziel can dig his own way out, both on and off the field, or just keep digging deeper until the Browns have to give up and try again in 2016. We'll see.
Text-gate-gate: Ray Farmer will be suspended for the first 4 games for sending texts down to the field discussing play calls. I'm conflicted, because it feels like Farmer is a good guy with an eye for late-round talent and UDFA's, who was jerked around in 2014 by Old Man Haslam. Was he doing Haslam’s stooge work here, or was he just passionate about righting the ship? Just...Ray, I like you for the most part. Please just stay out of trouble for 2015. I don't wanna turn over this organization yet.
Josh Gordon Suspended...Again: ..........sigh. Josh Gordon gets caught drinking on a plane after the regular season had ended during a trip to Vegas and gets tested upon landing. He didn't know he couldn't drink until the end of the entire season, and writes a passive aggressive letter about how he doesn't have a substance abuse problem and the entire team starts getting fingers pointed at, even drawing "Uncle" Phil Taylor into a response. Whether you think Gordon is an addict or not, it doesn't matter; he's been through the ringer and still doesn't fucking know better. If he's back in 2016 and can keep his moronic ass on the field, fantastic, because the Browns need him, but if not, this might be the end. Inevitably, he'll go win a Super Bowl somewhere else, we know this. But if you're trying to change the culture, you can't let this guy fuck up again, and they did. This many chances to play in the rules of the system he backed into on his own accord, it's frustrating to watch. He's got Megatron-level talent but his biggest enemy seems to be himself.
The new Browns, Same As the Old Browns: This year was Nike's rebranding for Cleveland, and things did not start well with the new logo, which was the same logo with a brighter gradient in spite of media hype and some internal push for how exciting the rebrand would be. It resulted in an insane amount of mockery early on as a result. Although the "brown was unchanged", the uniforms were not, and although the damn stripe that cuts off just before the shoulder pisses me off, they've grown on me a bit, so kudos on that much. Hopefully this is a catalyst to the culture change that front offices and fans in Cleveland have been dying for.
Projected Starting Lineup
Offense
QB: Josh McCown, followed by Johnny Manziel - Kind of hilarious that every pundit is suggesting that Josh McCown is being asked to be the long term starter for Cleveland as a 34 year old career backup, but I have a feeling that he'll be starting off the season. But at the end of the day, it's all down to Manziel to play this season. You must see what we have in this kid and take the good and the bad, because learning you have nothing is better than blindly hoping you have something. Or McCown. RB: Duke Johnson - If you read into camp, Duke Johnson has been playing his dick off. I think that the RB1 role is going to be fluid with Crow and West, but Duke's pass-catching ability might move him into a prominent role faster than expected. FB: Malcolm Johnson - We’ve got nobody else. WR1: Dwayne Bowe - Bowe is the closest thing on this team to being a pure WR1 right now in the absence of veteran help or a true star, so he'll have this role. WR2: Brian Hartline - Hartline worked well as a WR2 in Miami and he'll be called upon to be more of the same here. I expect Vince Mayle to be waiting in the wings. Slot WR: Andrew Hawkins - After getting a...well, absurd contract in the steal from Cincinnati in 2014, Hawkins lived up to what was needed in the absence of big-bodied WR's in 2014 and should continue that trend. Taylor Gabriel and Travis Benjamin will be waiting. TE: Rob Housler - This is honestly the biggest toss-up coming out of camp stories, because we don't know if Housler can truly make the jump this year. But I'd venture that Housler will be the top option with Barnidge getting some other opportunities and TefleDray getting blocking reps. LT: Joe Thomas - ...duh. LG: Joel Bittonio - ...yawn. C: Alex Mack - ...zzz. RG: Cameron Erving - Erving has been exponentially better as an inside lineman. I figure he will be moved between RG and RT as needed to see what sets work best with Greco and Schwartz, but I think he is ultimately an upgrade over Greco. His next best option would be to be at RT, and to move Schwartz into the RG role. RT: Mitchell Schwartz - I believe this is his contract year, so he'll have a lot to prove either here or at RG, that he’s beyond his 5th round evaluation.
Defense
LDE: Desmond Bryant - Desmond played a tough 2014 campaign, and although Cooper will probably push him for this spot (along with Armonty Bryant), I think Desmond will have it locked down to start. NT: Danny Shelton - Feast Mode is having a luau. RDE: Randy Starks - Veteran presence wins out. Xavier Cooper might see some play time, but I don't see him completely lapping Starks. Expect Phil Taylor to also be in the mix here, if not at NT. LOLB: Barkevious Mingo - Yes, a baby did eat my Mingo. Hopefully he can continue his progress into this season, because he needs to with Orchard nipping. LILB: Karlos Dansby - A veteran leader coming off injury who should continue to be a spark in the LB corps. RILB: Craig Robertson - I'd like to see Robertson make a stronger push this season into becoming a more well-rounded open-field defender, but he’ll do for now. ROLB: Paul "T-1000" Kruger - THOSE EYES CB1: Joe Haden - Haden's emergence as a leader and great talent at the CB position locks him in. CB2: Tramon Williams - Tramon is going to have to battle to keep this all year; you've got a hungry bunch behind him in Gilbert/Williams/DesiGaines. FS: Tashaun Gipson - Beyond the contract struggle, Gipson has been rock solid at the FS position lately and hopefully continues his progression. SS: Donte Whitner - Twitter Troll Supreme
Special Teams
P: Andy Lee - Put 'em on the 1 yard line, Andy. K: Not Billy Cundiff - At this point, fucking anybody. If I had to watch Billy Cundiff botch one more close distance FG I was going to lose my fucking mind. KR: Marlon Moore - Moore's role on this team is pretty much exclusively this, but Duke Johnson and Travis Benjamin will likely challenge him. I hope Benjamin can turn back the clock and get his KR status back to the shape it once was.
Position Group Strengths and Weaknesses
Position Group
Strengths
Weaknesses
QB
Manziel is still young. McCown won't do anything too stupid.
Manziel is still a rookie. McCown won't do anything too smart.
RB
Depth. Three dynamic backs bringing something different to the table with each.
Lack of experience; two sophomores and a rookie.
WTE
Lots of guys with a lot to prove.
That proof needs to come fast: no proven talent, no proven game-changers, no proven big-bodied true WR1.
O-Line
Depth has been added, the left side is fucking impeccable, could be a top 10 line this year if all are healthy.
The weakest point (Mitchell Schwartz) will be pretty weak comparatively.
D-Line
Heavy investment in developing the Lake Erie Buffet Line with Starks, Shelton, and Cooper.
A few odd-men out in the rotation, need to get Shelton to speed quick.
LB Corps
Strong veteran presence, Mingo getting better.
But if the pass rush does improve, is it time to revamp again?
Secondary
Deep as fuck, young, two strong starters and solid nickel options.
I still wouldn't want to run sets with Haden not on the field; where does Gilbert fit?
Special Teams
We don't have Billy Cundiff anymore.
Our kicker is not Phil Dawson.
Training Camp Battles to Watch
QB - Manziel vs McCown: The obvious answer here. Will Manziel make enough progress to wrestle away the starting job from McCown before we need to go with McCown being forced into high-pressure situations? COULD CONNOR SHAW EMERGE AND DESTROY SOME WORLDS AND SHOCK EVERYONE?! RB - Johnson vs West vs Crowell: Early line says Crowell will be the starter because he appears the most well rounded; West has a plow-forward play style that might be in better shape with the healthy offensive line; Johnson is a dynamic pass-catching back with elusiveness. I'm with the Duke, and all 3 should get touches, but who knows? TE - Housler vs Barnidge: This is the closest thing to competition in the receiving corps we'll have due to proven talent ahead at everything else. I think Housler locks it down but both should find playing time. RT/RG - Greco vs Schwartz vs Erving: How this eventually plays out should be interesting to watch; it's going to come down to whatever two make the most sense opening up on the line. For me, it's Erving at RG and Schwartz at RT, but it all depends. DE - Bryant vs Starks vs Cooper vs Taylor vs A. Bryant: With Armonty Bryant and Uncle Phil healthy, there could be serious competition for the ends this year; Cooper and Taylor have to fit somewhere, and Armonty played his ass off in limited time in 2014. CB2 - Tramon Williams vs The field: Can Justin Gilbert step up and take away the CB2 role from the veteran? Can a Ka'Waun Williams jump into the lead role, or even Pierre Desir? Is Charles Gaines capable enough to tap into finesse and take the spot?
Let's Talk Schemes, With JohnnyFire, Who Doesn't Know How Schemes Work For Shit
This was an optional point of the review, but hey, lemme attempt to work it out. Offensive scheme: In case it wasn't obvious, with the offensive line shoring and the addition of another talented RB, the Browns are going to be working a run-first offense. Everything will be going through the ground game, meaning the interior of the line will be called on to open up big run lanes early. It also means that we're not going to be gunslinging, least of all with McCown in there. The short passing game and smart out-routes will likely be the staples for this offense until we get another weapon in 2016, so I expect Hawkins (and Johnson as an option) to get tons of looks. Long term, it’s also key that we play into what strengths Manziel actually exhibits, and not try to fit a square peg into a round hole here; Manziel's legs and deep-ball awareness can still be tapped into if asked. It's going to be a bit of a mish-mash ground-and-pound short-game offense in 2015, unless Manziel's skill set has expanded far beyond what we think. Defensive scheme: Jim O'Neill's D shouldn't be changing up too much, only becoming expanded on with more playmakers. O'Neill suggested that although the Browns are currently running a 3-4, the talent they have could open up some 4-3 sets (likely meaning we would see a front 4 of Bryant/TayloShelton/Starks or Cooper, with a 3-rush LB of KrugeDansby/Mingo. That's very intriguing.) I wish I could go more technical into this, but quite honestly, it's not my forte; I just know that Pettine and O'Neill wanted a strong all-around D, and although we need to see what the new additions actually do, on paper, it looks like a strong squad now and moving forward.
Schedule Predictions
The Browns have a tougher schedule than they did in 2014, and with much of the same defense and an offense in transition, they went 7-9. The offense is now in limbo while the defense got better, so...ehhhhhh? I'll aim for as reasonable as I can. Week 1: @ New York Jets: New York's revamped D is solid, but their offense could still sink them. If the Browns can make their offense falter early, they'll have a chance, but winning week 1 on the road isn't exactly easy. Let's assume the D is up to the challenge for NYJ right off the bat and make this a close defensive effort on both fronts, with Cleveland losing a tough one. Cleveland loses 17-13 (0-1) Week 2: vs Tennessee Titans: Here's the coming out party for this defense and the first chance to see if this offense is good enough. Tennessee's team is just flatly lacking in overall talent right now, although they do have some playmakers here. The last thing the Browns want is to get spanked by oft-mocked-to-them Mariota. I think they can pull off a motivated home opener win. Cleveland wins 20-14 (1-1) Week 3: vs Oakland Raiders: Oakland, in my view, had a pretty solid draft, but I'm not sure they've entirely turned the corner, even with the emergence of Derek Carr. I think a strong defensive front and the strong secondary can keep him in check long enough for whoever is slinging the ball to keep it together into a solid but close win. Cleveland wins 24-21 (2-1) Week 4: @ San Diego Chargers: Unfortunately I can't see Cleveland heading out to the West Coast and dominating a still fairly tough Chargers team. Unless they rattle Rivers hard and fast right off the bat, but that's doubtful honestly. They could keep it competitive though. Cleveland loses 28-17 (2-2) Week 5: @ Baltimore Ravens: The Browns have not won in Baltimore since 2007, and only 3 times since 1999. That's...bad. And Baltimore is still good enough to keep that trend up I fear after an offensive reload. Cleveland loses 35-20 (2-3) Week 6: vs Denver Broncos: You have no idea how much I'd love to spank Peyton Manning at home, and I'd imagine this will probably be closer with the Browns getting some attention against the tougher team. But I can't doubt Denver just yet; I do think the downfall for Denver may be on the horizon, but not yet. Cleveland loses 31-21 (2-4) Week 7: @ St. Louis Rams: Another "Tough D vs so-so Offense" matchup. My hope is by now the offense will have settled in with whoever's at the helm (I'd assume Manziel by this point) and can get the big road win, even though this could be a toss up if Nick Foles and the strong D finally make this St. Louis's "next year" we've been waiting on. Ah, fuck it. Let's call it an upset. Cleveland wins 18-17. (3-4) Week 8: vs Arizona Cardinals: I have pretty high hopes for Arizona if they stay healthy, and at the mid-point of the season, that's pretty much all it will come down to. This is the start of a tough 3-game swing for Cleveland and if Carson and the D remains upright, I think they dispatch the Browns post haste. Cleveland loses 24-13 (3-5) Week 9: @ Cincinnati Bengals: ALERT! ALERT! Primetime Andy Dalton Game! Primetime Andy Dalton Game! We probably will actually get blown out as revenge for last season, but fuck it, I have to rip on someone other than my own team at some point in these predictions! Cleveland wins 24-21 (4-5) Week 10: @ Pittsburgh Steelers: Fucking Steelers with their good drafting and respectable organization and history of winning and Super Bowls. And then they have a solid 2015 draft too. But hey, their RB smokes weed and got caught and got suspended everyone point and laugh, please, my self esteem needs it, HAHAHAHA--we're not winning this game are we? Cleveland loses 30-13 (4-6) Week 11: Bye Week 12: vs Baltimore Ravens: Monday Night Football in Cleveland, OH. Reason dictates that this will be the biggest game of Cleveland's season, and coming off the bye and a tough in-division loss to Pittsburgh, I'm going to buck the trend here and say that Cleveland pulls off the upset and wins a key game in primetime in the division, shutting down the revamped offense and Sam the Eagle. Cleveland wins 27-21 (5-6) Week 13: vs Cincinnati Bengals: Damnit, I wanted two games with Primetime Andy Dalton. If we take the jokes aside, the Bengals are a strong squad that will be in playoff contention, and this late in the season, this will probably be a must-win for them. Cleveland loses 28-14 (5-7) Week 14: vs San Francisco 49ers: I honestly feel bad for San Francisco at this point. They're probably not going to completely fall off, but coming into a year wish such promise, there has just been so much turnover in that organization this year it's almost mind numbing. I'd hope Cleveland can keep their heads up and take advantage of it. Cleveland wins 31-18 (6-7) Week 15: @ Seattle Seahawks: ......fuck. Cleveland loses 35-13 (6-8) Week 16: @ Kansas City Chiefs: Because going from the loudest stadium in the NFL to the second loudest stadium in the NFL is just a thing that happens. Cleveland loses 27-24 (6-9) Week 17: vs Pittsburgh Steelers: There is nothing more important in any given season than logging a win against the fucking Pittsburgh Steelers. At least until we get over this mental and metaphysical hump that has held the Browns down for so damn long in their own wallowing. After two tough challenges on the road, I think the Browns can pull off one season-ending upset in spite of everything to end the season strong and accomplish two things: match last year's record without an elite QB, and hit .500 in the division. Cleveland wins 17-14 (7-9)
Verdict:
Reasonably, I'd say between 6-10 (drop either the STL or PIT game) and 8-8 (win against SD early?) is pretty solid. Our offense just plainly is not good enough right now. If Cleveland shows up for some big games or takes advantage of their strength on defense early, they might be able to break .500, but I don't see this squad hitting the playoffs in 2015. The lack of a franchise QB limits my optimism for toss ups.
Wrap-Up
I said last year that the most important thing for Cleveland in 2014 was not to make a playoff push or to win "x" amount of games; it was to facilitate a culture change, to get away from the "LOLBROWNS" and the "woe is me" that has permeated the organization since their return from expansion. Many people have tried to make that happen, but stupid moves, or regressions, or giving up too early, or just plainly getting the wrong players at the wrong time, it's all added up to misery. With that said...this is the closest I've seen this team to having a long-term plan in place to get over that hump. Yes, you have some issues on offense, but the offseason, the draft, the move to get more compensatory picks in 2016, the feeling that Pettine and Farmer are locked in, it's a good feeling. Are the Browns going to light the world on fire in 2015? No. But they don't need to right now. Get that defense up to working speed. Keep the run game and offensive line strong. Don't panic fire Pettine or Farmer because things don't add up to a 10-6 finish. Don't start scrambling around or getting cheeky with your QB if things go crazy. I no longer see this team as rebuilding, but rather finally fucking building; investing heavily in the trenches and crafting a strong defense. There have been growing pains of this regime, but unlike in the Holmgren era, or the Policy era, or the Savage era, it doesn't feel for naught. There is something being established, and if we as fans can have some patience for a change, I think we could see the second half of this decade be very, very fun if the course stays. ...or we'll be LOLBROWNS again. Such is the cycle of Browns fans. Special thanks to admiralkit, TheFencingCoach, skepticismissurvival, TheVetNoob, everyone over on /Browns, and Dusty Rhodes. We been through some Hard Times, bay-beh.
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